Angels on earth

I know that my problems are very small to others, but for the last several weeks it has felt like so much has gone wrong that I just didn't know when the "sun would shine" again. I felt awful, most of the time. It was a very dark and painfully sad time for me. I wondered about talking with my doctor about possible depression, and when I did I was assured that no, I am not clinically depressed, just sad and stressed out. Well, I tried a few things to change it around on my own, not really having tons of success at it. Finally I realized that I had not tried the most important thing -- turn it over to God. I have gone to Him in prayer daily throughout this time, but always saving that in reserve I suppose, feeling that I have asked for too much. There is never a point where we can ask our Savior and Father in Heaven for too much. They gave everything for us, and want us to accept that gift -- I realize now that I must accept the Atonement of our Savior more fully so that He can heal my heart. I know this is a lifetime deal -- every time I need Him and the power of the Atonement in my life He is there and the gift is there -- I have to reach out and accept it. I also know that God puts angels in our paths to help us and frequently these angels are our family and friends, sometimes total strangers. Last week a friend I had not seen in months attended the same women's meeting I was going to sing at. She came up to me joyfully exclaiming, "I have been so excited to see you" and stayed by my side for hours that day. She was my angel! I needed her so badly! And yesterday I had the opportunity to attend 2 church meetings, receiving a badly needed influx of the Spirit, and in the middle of the day another wonderful friend and I went to lunch and then she took me to her "hair girl" and we got my hair cut and colored. Angels are all around us! I know that I need to show my gratitude to my Savior for his love for me, for sending me those angels -- and I will -- and I can't wait to figure out fun ways to be angels for my wonderful friends and family!

January 2012

I think the beauty of a new year lies in the possibilities. I think of the new year as a canvas, never touched, waiting for form, line, shading, color. Sometimes the canvas at the end of the year has looked quite grim. Sometimes it's clearly been painted over, scrapped, messed with. Other times, not very full, but obviously "loved".
My 2011 canvas was very full and messy looking by the end. I wish some of that mess had been scrapped off, or that I could have avoided splattering the paint quite so much, yet the months march on and I have to just go with it. This canvas is a one time deal, each year, and cannot be tossed. 2011 looks like heartbreak, sorrow, pain, joy, grief, frustration, exhilaration, hope, wonder, regret and so much more. I will look back on it and wonder, and sometimes grieve, and hopefully I will learn from that so that 2012 will have more hope, more bright joy, more music, more dancing, more laughter, more gratitude and more faith.
This canvas is fairly clean still ... and I know at the end of the year, whatever else it may be, it will be mine.